Unprotected

The last thing anyone wants or needs is a heartbreak. Its time consuming, people can see it in your eyes and it just doesn't wear well. Your mind constantly races with shoulda couldas and wouldas, but its over, and time to push through, not just for you but for the person who can see past the hurt and capture a glimpse of your awesomeness.

It is ideal to protect yourself in all situations , but with life and its many demands , its hard to cover all areas, that's where delegation and assistance is needed. Now who you assign to help you in life will be essential to your progression or the reason(s) you stay stagnant. The common goal is to squeeze as many laughs and smiles out of life until the clock stops, and if people cant contribute to that common goal, "Ax their ass!!"

To have to entrust people with your secrets, situations and sanity is to be vulnerable, people are scared of that. I understand the difficulty associated with opening up to people, I get the fact that people can and will hurt you," but how will you figure out who won't?"

We all have been let down, fucked over and scarred, but we all have been happy, lucky ,loved and given love immensely as well. Those feelings are what we live for, what we need and desire. To actually find people who invoke these feelings may take some time and require you to trudge through some bullshit, but when you get that intangible feeling of being unprotected and you know your people got you, you feel like a winner. Everybody deserves to be a winner.

The bitten tongue

Scene: A fellow approaches me in the gas station yesterday (from the back) , I know he didn't see my face because I seen him first. He says " Wassup Lil Mama you thick as fukk." I've heard it all so I was just like whatever. I replied in the snarkiest of tones, " I used to be a man" without even turning around. I felt his mind racing. I thought it was funny. I paid for things and about faced and gave him the sexiest smile I could muster without laughing. He obviously didn't return one.

I was kind of a quiet child, more action less talk, until I found my power in words and wit. So once I really started thinking deeper and reading more I got diarrhea of the mouth, but it was always good shit. I learned how to speak and when and why, I learned that the greatest form of influence is almost always with the ears instead of the eyes.

I have never really been the type to not say how I feel or keep quiet about "touchy" subjects. Being hush about things won't help you ,because if you can't talk about something how can you gain more understanding? If people don't know how you feel about something how can you get what you want and need? Everybody isn't elevated enough to read signs, symbols and body language simultaneously enough to kinda "know" people before you know em...

Saying anything to anybody within reason and respect shouldn't cause so much angst, people shouldn't tread so lightly when expressing how they feel. The only reason I chose to tell that man I was a dude was to challenge him in his next prey/kill situation to possibly look at the person's face before their body. 

Don't bite your tongue but dont be hurtful, express how you feel and maybe you'll be lucky enough to meet people who are just as open. It takes the guesswork out of an already complicated life.

XOXO

Gold Bird

Stray dogs, Alley cats

I see so many instagram pics, status and quotes about people being faithful and how to make your mate stay faithful, and only want you. Look, none of that will make a person not stray. You can't even make them, if they want to be with you and only , that's what they'll do. You can cook , clean , provide and curl toes, but if they want someone else...That's what it will be. 

Money won't  keep em. How many rich wives have slept with the yard boy? That man may give her everything in the world financially but he's obviously lacking somewhere else. People like to be paid attention to and if the only time that happens is when there's gifts with no thought being given . There could be a beautiful house that's not a home. If I wouldn't live in a box with you I wouldn't want to be in the mansion with you either.

When it comes to sex I think It can either be really important or not at all depending on the couple and their chemistry and bond strength. A person can love you to death and love everything you do sexually and still stray, why you ask? Because they want to. Now  I hear a lot of men and women say that even though they cheat there are many reasons to make em stray. I call bullshitt and still stick with my original theory  that they want to and that is the bottom line.

Being faithful isn't a requirement in some relationships though, and if that makes both parties satisfied then that is fine too, but both parties should definitely be aware of the arrangement. The problem with that though is most if not all people cannot handle what they dish out and things get messy from there. In closing , I feel that the one and only thing that can make someone want to do right and be faithful or do right and keep it 100% with everyone and themselves is them and them alone. As an adult you know whats right and wrong ; innately... If they're not scared to lose you you will lose them.

XOXO

Gold Bird

Show me how to live

You can see the past,  and live in the now but that queasy feeling you get about the future can hold your mind in an illustrious stupor. Wondering, hoping , wanting and planning for something you know nothing about. The truth of these matters can imprison our thoughts and lives. "What will happen if I do this?" "Can I recover if I go left instead of right?" Its these moments that can define or diminish our futures.

We are all wondering through life doing what we want, but what about when that could have been handled differently? When in fact you should have zigged instead of zagged. When you know you should have said Yes instead of no but the moment has passed and you are now faced with decisions that wouldn't even exist. That is the most mind-blowingest shit ever. To have to think of what could be instead of what is. 

I spend a lot of time in my thoughts and always trying to escape the grips of what is and what should be. I wish we were given at least a thirty second flash of the consequence before any major decision is made. That'd be great. It would only play once and no rewinds. That would eliminate so much of the fuckery that takes place in our lives.

Mystery is cool but I prefer a more structured approach. Life is Chess not Checkers, and who has the time to try and figure out so much? People and their ways, what career is perfect for you, when and where to be at a precise time. I don't want to see it all , just some of it. 

I live in a fantasy world and I know that this cannot and will not ever be an option , but If I can challenge myself a little harder to be steadfast in my approach to this never ending roller coaster I can and will be able to lay a few bricks ahead of me before I step out on the road. 

Gold Bird

XOXO

It aint all its "cracked" up to be

Today I was in the thrift store searching and sifting and my ass knocked over a whole rack of purses. It was like twenty handbags came crashing to the ground because my ass has a completely different agenda than me. So as I' m picking up the bags I thought I'd share this with ya'll.

I have been afflicted with steatopygia ever since puberty, so I have had these kinds of problems my whole life. Its so funny because my mother used to tell me that I couldn't wear the cute little shorts like the other girls my age because I wasn't built like them. As a kid you don't know what the hell that means, you just want to dress like the other kids. 

I hit fifteen and my curves were more prominent than some full grown women, it was so noticeable that a few drivers have been distracted and wrecked (right hand). I have had problems "fitting" in to and on to so many things! It looks good in clothes and stuff but imagine trying to walk through any opening that's not as wide as your ass and see don't you feel some type of way...lmao! Knock someones drink out of their hand, "Do you know how many drinks I've had to replace!?!" I'm just saying.

The stares, the gawking sneak pics and all that craziness, is just crazy!! I can appreciate a nice ass myself but geeze, this aint the zoo!! People ask to touch it, jiggle it see if it's real and I can't help but to wonder ,"What is the fascination?" Is it the roundness? The heaviness? Or is it like bird watching or stamp collecting, just another hobby or pasttime? Ass-Watching... lmao

In any event I know my booty is big and I know It's nice or whatever, but after a long weeks work and numerous squats at the gym, I don't feel like picking up racks of shit because my ass can't control itself.

XOXO

Gold Bird

The way you make you feel

Pep talks aren't just for athletes. They are much needed in everyday life to achieve the ultimate goal : Victory. I understand that it can be hard to do when life is bogging you down or things just aren't going so smoothly. If you are here on earth another day , fight the good fight even on the bad days. Give yourself  and your self-esteem a little sprucing up daily. Highlight what you're doing well and approach what you aren't just as a coach would do his team, with enthusiasm and zeal, not hastily.

Do nice things for yourself. I know it can be a wonderful thing to have people think about you and do things for you, but who knows you better than you know you? Who DEFINITELY knows how to make you smile? You do. You have to make yourself  feel good and deserving of being alive. Thats the only way you'll want to squeeze out all you can in life, as if you genuinely appreciate being alive. If it makes you smile. Do it

People always say I look mean , which may be true but I am not actually mean. I love taking selfies with strangers and doing things for others, It makes me feel super human. It is so easy to spew negativity and hateful shit, but way harder to be nice to people with no reward. It makes me feel like I am actually living a purposeful existence.

When you are reflecting on your life and times, be truthful but don't beat yourself down because all things aren't right, all we all can do is try our hardest to "drive" on a highway with no map, Have many experiences  and reach a satisfiable transcending...You are not perfect, I am not...no one is...Just feel good while you are.

XOXO

Gold Bird

Unicornism

My friends and family can all agree that I am very different. I've spoken on my quirkiness before so I won't delve. I get so many inboxes from men asking to "date me" or take me out , whatever but I can't never seem to clearly get across my rejection to them. I don't like being mean or hurting anyone's feelings so I just answer it with an " Awww , Thank You!" or some other form of friend zoning sentiment. 

Now don't get it twisted I am single and would consider a relationship with someone that I can trust as much as I trust myself, someone that will ask why I'm crying I can tell them it's because I just love them so much I cry, but nothing short of that!

I think that because of my body structure I may be being perceived as a stereotypical big booty hoe that is impressed by menial and material things. I can reassure any of the men that may try to "holla" will even read this because they dont want to know shit about me, they just see 58" inch hips and a smile. I know I may be a bit confusing to some and can come off a bit "mean" as  Trisha says but I'm not. I can just smell bullshit... I'm a bull.

I can't stand when people ask me whats my type.... Its like, "A good man is my type.. The fukk?" I know I'm a rare find that's why I can't settle, I refuse. In this day and age life is stressful enough and I cant and wont multiply my stress by adding someone that wont enrich my soul.

It needs to be understood that I don't like being single (its boring) but I dot want to be jacked around either. So I'll stay elusive and hard to catch or see, just like a unicorn.


Gold Bird
XOXO