Arrhythmia

Its funny how things go. I swear I know how to get around my city, and last night when my GPS was spazzin and I couldn't find Latitude 39 by sight (and wouldn't have had I not restarted my phone) I got super frustrated because I was on a mission to get some audiodope. I went the wrong way twice. I found it after saying I was just gonna go back home, but I had to be there, for my homie AMH and myself. I have been to open mics and poetry slams before but when I walked in here something was different.

 The air was light and fresh but the content floating in the air was heavy. I seen so many familiar faces greeted them all with smiles and hugs. Wait a minute I thought " I'm at home, I know almost all of these people and I have for years." Everyone there was an artist in some form or an art lover in the only form. I stood in the back and watched people file in greeted more kindred family and immediately got mad at myself for not finishing my piece to perform, eventhough I probably would pass out when I got on stage...lol...

Facebook friends that I didnt know were going to be there performed,  Krystal Tibbs Ahmad Rahsan Lisa Devon G ,  Comedian Jay Scott ,Tiffany Nichole brought some hot shit ,Amani Tre Niner dropped a gem and Miss Gabby.... Miss Gabby brought an uprising over the crowd with her colossal deliverance of sidepiece 101. There were singers and comedians and even a trumpet player. I was kind of upset that I only paid fiv bones to get in because it was truly a mind massage, and heart palpitating evening. 

 Now I had a lot of people asking me if I was going to do something,  and as bad as I wanted to get up there I just have to grow some balls first! I have never actually tried now that I think of it so I'm definitely going to give it a whirl. I love being a spectator and playing the background but It may be time to let people see yet another side of me. 

XOXO

Gold Bird

To the Beat

Have you ever felt an energy so strong amongst a group of strangers so strong you felt as if you've met these people in a previous life? "No" ok well that's how I felt outside of the Vogue Saturday night for a head to head battle of the beats...literally. About fifty of us waited outside some spectators and some producers, but we were all there for a common reason : The love of music... I've been a music head ever since my mom used to throw impromptu basement parties in the projects laced with  LL Cool J and Public Enemy. I didn't understand the words at the time but, the first time I heard "Bad" I was in love.

Producers provide the canvas and artists get the paintbrush, but at this particular event only the canvas was being judged, a first experience for me but I was geeked. Most of the local artists I'm used to seeing out were there, lots of girls in short skirts, Unique faces and just an all around blend of straight music lovers. The atmosphere was just so dope.

The opening act came out and belted out a colossal tyrannosaurus rex roar , to warm us up performed some hot shit and  then the emcee got down to business. The producers took turns going trumpets and samples  to  snares and bassline for about ten minutes before judges quickly decided who was advancing  and who had to go back to the lab. I liked this type of bracket choosing because I don't favor sports but it was easy for me to pick the winner here, where I knew something about the "sport"

The night went on with catchy pop style beats and conscious "Ab-Soul'ish" type beats. With each spin  the tracks were getting more dynamic, they were breaking out the big guns! Ultimately the mad scientist looking producer MenDog, I had picked in round one took the crown. I loved the energy, the sportsmanship and the overall experience of seeing passion on display like that, that was my first and wont be my last battle of the beats.

Gold Bird

The Detox

In order for love to grow it has to first be planted. I see and feel so much its almost like a curse, I can see the hurt , pain and misunderstanding in people's eyes. Its my "superpower". What this world is severely lacking is love, and not the kind you think you know. Real love requires compassion and understanding of differences but still being accepting. People don't and cant have that because of ridiculous things that divide us. When you sow a seed of hate and constant turmoil, your garden can't grow and be fruitful. Your garden is your heart.

The cloud of heartache looming over this world of confusion , division and hatred for people dying to live is something I didn't think I'd ever have to experience. You would think after all these years some peace and harmony would be wanted and needed from an entire civilization who have and always will have to SHARE this planet, its no ones in particular were all just visiting, so why be so fucking selfish about it? It really is a big place.  

The world is numb. The people are the zombies and the human race should be ashamed, the way we live so wastefully and hateful. The real animals on earth kill only for survival, the made animals (humans) kill for nothing. The world has been around for who knows how long , because no one really knows , and we still haven't gotten it right, made all of these technological advances and still haven't figured out how to coexist with each other. The only race that really has the power to change everything ;does nothing.

The things that are being taught to the youth and coming generations are so fucked up. Half of these kids don't even know how to fight, let alone survive. But I bet they can twerk like nobodies business or put together a dope ass outfit. The old are supposed to teach the young, and the misinformation that they are receiving will be the standard for life in the future, let that shit sink in America.

Gold Bird

In Plain Sight

I often ask people why they're glad to be an American and the most popular  answer is, "Because I'm free."  That couldn't be more wrong.  Just because certain liberties and freedoms that you may presume to be privileges haven't been stripped away from you doesn't mean we have it better. The same things people fear like wearing burkas or population control goes down here too, just in different forms. Or slightly similar ones. You get chided in America for  wearing certain things and there is DEFINITELY population going on, just because they aren't out in the open with it like in China does not mean it isn't happening.

I've never actually enjoyed being an American, never felt any real connection to this place. Although I've never lived in another country I have never felt welcomed here. People often forget their history or don't even bother to know it. I knew something wasn't right when they didn't want me to read. As a a little black girl that enjoyed reading and going to new and far away lands through paper and ink, I couldn't understand why they didn't want me to have that opportunity. So I read as much and as fast as I could to try to figure out what they didn't want me to know. I came across the Willie Lynch letter on my own around nine. I couldn't believe people felt like that about other people, why would you want people to behave like that? Break families apart like that? 

Fast forward twenty years. Black people killing each other over the dumbest shit imaginable, Babies being killed in the streets and watching it all unfold before your eyes because of the information super highway  is mind boggling. The Ferguson situation right now is fukking terrifying, just seeing despairty of the people. The force and practices of law enFORCEment are showing us what martial law is going to look like. We are all watching and subconsciously and psychologically being conditioned for this shit. Ferguson is a prerequisite to what America is about to go through. Seeing what will make people mad, in what areas, how militant are the civilians so we know how much and what they can handle.

I know people will say "Well the blacks are killing the blacks TOO!" so I guess that makes it ok for a police to drop a kid in the street because he was embarrassed? Nah. I worry  about the future. I'm an optimistic realist so I want things to get better for this angry ass world but not everybody feels like I do.

Gold Bird

Trophies

Boy meets girl, girl meets girl mentor meets student and helpers meet the needy. We all come across people in our lives that need us for something, be it an uplifting word a reality check or a life change. We collect people , or I guess I should say we collect auras and spirits. Some we can do without and some we can never shake. Like my mother for instance, I had her, but very briefly so I feel that mother-daughter connection still but not as much as someone who got to have their mom longer than I did.

Now when I say "collecting auras" I don't mean for playthings. I mean to be of some use to that person, we are all fragile enough from the worldly issues that are bestowed upon us so don't make it worse by being a dick to people. Do things with no reward other than knowing you're a great person and you are put on earth to fortify people not weaken them. I know its easy to manipulate people and use people that trust you, but for what? At what expense? You're sound body and mind is what you'll pay with.

Collect the kind of auras that will enrich your life, that will make you feel good and help you through life as long as you're here because one day you'll have to put the trophies back on the shelf never to be admired again because that stretch of the race is over.

XOXO

Gold Bird

Dominoes

You can't or should I say question "Why me?" There is no fukkin rhyme or reason for life, we're all just here living , creating existing or whatever people do with their lives. No one person has ever really controlled their own life, we're all on auto-pilot. So many people are gonna disagree with that and thats cool, just hear me out.

How many times have you said,  I don't know why or how something happened to me but I'm either a. Ecstatic or b. Pissed off ? A whole bunch, that's because you don't set up your life, the universe does. We are all dominoes its just that we have all been falling in place until its all over. Now I'm definitely not saying to be on "cruise control" until you croak, I'm just saying be more aware of your surroundings and position in the greatest dominoe set up ever; Life.

Everything is connected , everybody and everything eventually, it may never come to your attention but believe me,it's there. When my mother died its like my senses were heightened , like my animalistic survival skills came to the forefront. I was faced with decisions no teenager should have had to face without their mom, but it was the setup. There was nothing I could do... Sink or Swim.


The people you meet, the places you work, down to being in the line at CVS is all already written. I look at life differently than alot of people but when you have some of the most important people in your life early on , it just changes things. It makes you live different. I could never thoroughly explain this to anyone who hasn't lost both of their parents before eighteen. It is a different life, I don't know why that was set up like that but, that's what solidified my thoughts on how everything is out of my hands.


Alot of people will detest everything I'm saying but , I can't see life through anyone else's but my own. I just people would challenge some of the things put in their head and consider that it could be wrong. That it really doesn't matter  how good , great or terrible your life may be , it is only partially controlled by you and the rest is a dominoe effect.



XOXO
Gold Bird

To have and to hold

With the recent gay marriage issues going on right now I felt compelled to touch on the institute of marriage and what it means to ME. I have a lesbian sister and her girlfriend is white, they have two societal strikes against them already so I'm very defensive and passionate about anything that has to do with them. I feel like its my duty as her sister and just an educated woman to kind of break down a few myths about gay love and straight love.

First off, everything is the same. They argue,  they grocery shop, they make decisions and most importantly in my opinion is that they love unconditionally. I wont put it all out there but I've seen them go through shit that most people will walk away from, but love s love and no one can tell you what kind of love you deserve.

I've seen legally married  straight people do shit to their spouses that I wouldn't even do to a boyfriend. The ring and paperwork does change things, tangibly.  It does not change the heart though, If a person is not married to you in the mind body and spirit that ring and certificate are just pieces of matter. If they are embarrassing you and not placing you in the highest regards what does sharing a last name really doing or changing for y'all? 

Marriage is a state of mind, and means different things to people, that's why there is divorce. People's ideas and outlooks on life can change in an instant, a split second. Then they no longer have the desire to have and to hold anymore. I don't think those feelings should be limited to the"Right" combination of people. Think about it, If people were rallying and criticizing and ridiculing you for the person that makes you weak and strong at the same time, how would that make you feel? How would you feel not being able to show off who you live for? How would you feel having to be ashamed for being happy? 

People are way too concerned and consumed with others lives. Why they love , who they love , what they drive and have etc.but dont even have slightest idea about themselves and their own needs because they are too focused on other people. 

XOXO

Gold Bird