Free freedom

 I wake up everyday and go to my atelier, I walk through the door and have to fight back tears. Not the kind of tears when you start a business and its not going well, or tears of unsurity, just some freedom tears.
I used to think I could never attain such a "sure thing" in my life, I thought I wasn't worthy of freedom. I had seen so many people give it up too freely, be it with a job, lousy relationships or just fear of the unknown... So they stay.



How can you fear the unknown? How can you comfortably go about your day with your dreams in a chokehold? How do so many people go to the grave with unrelinquished power? How do people know their potential, but still choose creative slavery? I ask people these questions only when they express disdain their current position. I tell people all the time that I have no fucking idea what I'll do if I break my hands or something unfortunate happens to me where I cant do work.


I understand that its been drilled into our heads to live a traditional lives... Go to school, then college, marry have kids...allocate funds for them to be comfortable repeating the same cycle when they're of age. Its a nesting doll syndrome... Im going to make this copy of me out of me to be just like me, no different just another identical smaller version.



Its so funny when people tell me they admire me for the things I do and the bravery they think I've had since birth , because I literally have not had it that long. I used to give away my freedom to people, I used to think I couldn't do more than my current thoughts allowed. Then one day I said " What have I got to lose? Im a walking chance? I could do "it". I came here with no money, damn sure not leaving with any, so let me put a price on my freedom, let me use the bit of power I have to change what I can.


I dont think my way of living is the best for everyone, Its just what works for me. If theres ever a situation where I am in a movie like deathbed and I get to muster up some half-breathed last words, There will only be two, to whoever is around ; " Free Yourself."

XOXO
Gold Bird

Death becomes Her

Imagine a life where everyone you loved was still here and never had to leave you in death?

It'd be perfect right? Wrong. It couldn't be. the purpose of life is experience, even the things you do repetitiously only happen once. Its no happenstance that death is the only way out. What if you had to go through the emotional discomfort of just losing everyone over and over, for eternity? That would be the most cruel set up.

When you get to have and love people in your life, no matter what the time length, they impact you until your ship sails. That is the beauty of all this, as fucked up as it is to have to experience it that way in never being able to communicate with our loved ones, its final peace. Its not having to keep missing people and wanting what you can't have. Life is about "one times until there is no more time."

Feel as much as you can, love more than you should, change people, affect people make people remember you. For good reasons. We are the chosen ones. We got to live. We got to feel. We got to love. That is a gift, to exist.  

XOXO

Gold Bird

Land of the Lost

It amazes me how some of the smallest thing will compel me to write. I seen some crazy shit this morning. I was in line at the gas station ( I'm always in line somewhere) and  here's the scenario. There's a white lady first, black man construction worker I think and me. Now he's straight up sweatin this lady in line with these corny ass lines and I don't think he noticed me when I came in. She doesn't even smile at his ass and leaves, he steps up and pays for his stuff, turns to leave and turns up his nose at the kid!! Now mind y'all I ain't said one word and smiled like I do to everyone, but he was pre-disgusted with me. Which raised a question in my head : Why do black men who prefer white women hate us so much?

First off , Your preference is that , I have no issue with interracial dating or marriage my sister and closest friend are in those types of unions, but why act as if black women are the scum of the earth because they are not your cup of coffee with no creme....? This saddens me because skin color has nothing to do with how good someone loves you. Skin color doesn't determine the quality of woman, the woman does. There is a fine line between not preferring something and hating it. I have seen this behavior from a lot of black men that choose white ladies and its super intriguing.

I can't stand race issues, but I've seen this several times and just wonder "Why?" what have we done to you so bad that you can't love us the way we love y'all? I will never forget the time my Ex cheated on me.. in my bed with a white woman and told me it was because he didn't like the way our skin looked together anymore, and that he would never ever date another black bitch after me! Talk about scorned! That altered my outlook on black men that chose the other white meat, but not enough to hate the real kings.

I wrote this to say, Black men we are not your enemies. All of the societal stigmas and stereotypes about us are not all true... We cater... we respect... we love... and we value... Just because you haven't found the one to do all these things doesn't mean a cocoa queen can't give it to you, and don't think all white women wait on y'all hand and foot and don't have "attitude problems"... A woman is a woman is a woman. but don't behave like you forgot that black women are Queens and not to be treated as peasants.

XOXO

Gold Bird

Metamorphic

I used to think that change was something that everyone wanted and strives for. Unfortunately that is so far from the truth. So many people live in the "what was" instead of the "what is" , simply because its already been seen. I know so many complacent people and so many optimistic people and the mind-set difference is just wanting to do what hasn't been done. I am an admittedly creature of habit , but I know that in order to prevail I have to do uncomfortable and scary shit. A caterpillar has never been afraid to be a butterfly.

You have to be a tree, stay rooted and grounded but change those leaves. Its so necessary to tapping into your potential and applying knowledge to areas in your life that need improvement. (We all need it) To truly understand what it means to be human is taking advantage of time not truly appreciated. We spend so much time doubting ourselves and not being who we want in fear of punishment from people that are living the exact same borrowed time. Lions are only concerned with tigers if their is a threat to them. Exerting only energy needed to keep his pride and everything in it secure. Be a lion.

You have to want to become something better than what you are. I know a lot of people think that they are exactly where they want to be, and that's not true for anyone breathing. There is no way to perfect being a human, there is just not enough time, but you can be great in life if you posses the true  your growth gene, which is fearlessness. Its only with that can you be what others are scared to be or oblivious to the fact that they can be; Whatever they want to be.

Be conscious and aware of your growth as a human, be aware of the time. Be aware of your surroundings and how they affect you. Be mindful of where you plant your tree. Be selective about who is in your pride, and never be scared to be a butterfly....

Arrhythmia

Its funny how things go. I swear I know how to get around my city, and last night when my GPS was spazzin and I couldn't find Latitude 39 by sight (and wouldn't have had I not restarted my phone) I got super frustrated because I was on a mission to get some audiodope. I went the wrong way twice. I found it after saying I was just gonna go back home, but I had to be there, for my homie AMH and myself. I have been to open mics and poetry slams before but when I walked in here something was different.

 The air was light and fresh but the content floating in the air was heavy. I seen so many familiar faces greeted them all with smiles and hugs. Wait a minute I thought " I'm at home, I know almost all of these people and I have for years." Everyone there was an artist in some form or an art lover in the only form. I stood in the back and watched people file in greeted more kindred family and immediately got mad at myself for not finishing my piece to perform, eventhough I probably would pass out when I got on stage...lol...

Facebook friends that I didnt know were going to be there performed,  Krystal Tibbs Ahmad Rahsan Lisa Devon G ,  Comedian Jay Scott ,Tiffany Nichole brought some hot shit ,Amani Tre Niner dropped a gem and Miss Gabby.... Miss Gabby brought an uprising over the crowd with her colossal deliverance of sidepiece 101. There were singers and comedians and even a trumpet player. I was kind of upset that I only paid fiv bones to get in because it was truly a mind massage, and heart palpitating evening. 

 Now I had a lot of people asking me if I was going to do something,  and as bad as I wanted to get up there I just have to grow some balls first! I have never actually tried now that I think of it so I'm definitely going to give it a whirl. I love being a spectator and playing the background but It may be time to let people see yet another side of me. 

XOXO

Gold Bird

To the Beat

Have you ever felt an energy so strong amongst a group of strangers so strong you felt as if you've met these people in a previous life? "No" ok well that's how I felt outside of the Vogue Saturday night for a head to head battle of the beats...literally. About fifty of us waited outside some spectators and some producers, but we were all there for a common reason : The love of music... I've been a music head ever since my mom used to throw impromptu basement parties in the projects laced with  LL Cool J and Public Enemy. I didn't understand the words at the time but, the first time I heard "Bad" I was in love.

Producers provide the canvas and artists get the paintbrush, but at this particular event only the canvas was being judged, a first experience for me but I was geeked. Most of the local artists I'm used to seeing out were there, lots of girls in short skirts, Unique faces and just an all around blend of straight music lovers. The atmosphere was just so dope.

The opening act came out and belted out a colossal tyrannosaurus rex roar , to warm us up performed some hot shit and  then the emcee got down to business. The producers took turns going trumpets and samples  to  snares and bassline for about ten minutes before judges quickly decided who was advancing  and who had to go back to the lab. I liked this type of bracket choosing because I don't favor sports but it was easy for me to pick the winner here, where I knew something about the "sport"

The night went on with catchy pop style beats and conscious "Ab-Soul'ish" type beats. With each spin  the tracks were getting more dynamic, they were breaking out the big guns! Ultimately the mad scientist looking producer MenDog, I had picked in round one took the crown. I loved the energy, the sportsmanship and the overall experience of seeing passion on display like that, that was my first and wont be my last battle of the beats.

Gold Bird

The Detox

In order for love to grow it has to first be planted. I see and feel so much its almost like a curse, I can see the hurt , pain and misunderstanding in people's eyes. Its my "superpower". What this world is severely lacking is love, and not the kind you think you know. Real love requires compassion and understanding of differences but still being accepting. People don't and cant have that because of ridiculous things that divide us. When you sow a seed of hate and constant turmoil, your garden can't grow and be fruitful. Your garden is your heart.

The cloud of heartache looming over this world of confusion , division and hatred for people dying to live is something I didn't think I'd ever have to experience. You would think after all these years some peace and harmony would be wanted and needed from an entire civilization who have and always will have to SHARE this planet, its no ones in particular were all just visiting, so why be so fucking selfish about it? It really is a big place.  

The world is numb. The people are the zombies and the human race should be ashamed, the way we live so wastefully and hateful. The real animals on earth kill only for survival, the made animals (humans) kill for nothing. The world has been around for who knows how long , because no one really knows , and we still haven't gotten it right, made all of these technological advances and still haven't figured out how to coexist with each other. The only race that really has the power to change everything ;does nothing.

The things that are being taught to the youth and coming generations are so fucked up. Half of these kids don't even know how to fight, let alone survive. But I bet they can twerk like nobodies business or put together a dope ass outfit. The old are supposed to teach the young, and the misinformation that they are receiving will be the standard for life in the future, let that shit sink in America.

Gold Bird